My droll demands

Big Tech has created a surreal and absurd “sci-fi” society of surveillance and censorship where patriots are described as “extremists” and even “terrorists”, so it’s only to be expected that these “liberal” inquisitors will one day charge me for violating one of their new speech regulations, a suppression of free speech already seen in this ruling by the Norwegian Supreme Court:

Norway’s Supreme Court sentences 50-year-old woman to 36 days of prison for hate speech

If I’m ever dragged to court it will be for violating some new rule created to gag someone like old silly me. Because in the neoliberal Big Tech narrative I’m the bad dude, or maybe I’ll be portrayed as a second-rate cheapjack supervillain. But to fit this narrative I must present some demands, because that is what villains do, right? But I don’t have any demands, which kind of sucks if you are an inquisitor wanting to put me behind red kryptonite bars. Alas, lo and behold, it just dawned on me that I actually have some requests that can be used against me in a court of law:

Demand #1: I will tell everything and literally spill my guts to the Norwegian security police if they interrogate me while I sit in the backseat of a F-16 doing barrel rolls and other cool stuff.

Demand #2: I will tell everything and literally spill my guts to the Russian security police if they interrogate me while we are in one of those airplanes where you can experience weightlessness.

Demand #3: I’ll delete if Big Tech gives into these supervillain demands: a) I want free access to fly as much as I want in the best indoor skydiving wind tunnel, b) I want to be a passenger in an aerobatic airplane, at least once a day until I die of old age, and c) a lifetime of free access to the best amusement park on the planet.

Demand #4: I will never write anything anti-Big Tech if a) I can visit the Gateway Foundation’s space hotel, or a similar space hotel, once every three months, until I’m too old for it, and b) I demand that Elon Musk’s SpaceX or some other Big Tech company flies me to the Moon!

The above demands are nonnegotiable. If ever being sentenced for violating some new twisted interpretation of laws in our new surveillance regimes I want the indictment, i.e. the court document that sets out the charges the accused faces, to clearly mention that these are my bad dude demands.

And I’m not joking! I dare Elon Musk to “call my bluff”. Give me what I want, and I’ll keep my side of the bargain, no matter how tyrannical our society becomes under Big Tech.

Critics will say I’m a corruptible sell-out, and that my demands are not very eco-friendly. But in my defense I will claim that … wouldn’t you have sold your soul for a trip to the Moon? When Elon Musk can send a car into space, why can’t he send me into space? Relative to Big Tech my demands are very reasonable.

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